He’s Found Someone Else

 

I feel empty. I’m neither disappointed or glad for them.
I don’t know what to feel.
It’s not like I like him. But then again, it’s not like I don’t. 
I’ve noticed that overtime, I’ve found a sense of possession over him. But I always knew he was never mine. What we had, it was nothing. Because nothing ever happened.
So, why? Why am I feeling this way? We haven’t talked in months. And if we did, our conversations would be short-lived.
I’ve always had a picture of him in my head. Imagining how we would be, if we ever were to be together. He was perfect. In my head, at least. 
I might have fallen for the idea of him with me. And now I’m attached. My subconscious is saying he’s mine, when he never was. It had thought that my imaginative relationship with him was real.  And now I can’t help but feel like he’s supposed to be with me. 
“You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift, anyone?
There’s not much to do but to bury everything inside. Not like I could do anything about their relationship. They’re happy. I have no right to take their happiness away from them.
I guess I’ll just wait for it to fade. 
 
– S.

The Little Girl I Once Knew

little-girl

Dear Abby,

It wasn’t too long ago that I was a small child. A child that cared less about anything. A happy child. Like you.

But then came change.

I was starting to realize that everyone around me was judging me. My friends, my parents, every single one of them.

Insecurity is what changed me.

I did not grow up. No, growing up doesn’t change you. Your environment, your consciousness, that’s what changes you. I didn’t grow up, because I’m still childish, I still love the little things in life, I play children games sometimes, but those actions are kept on closed doors. When the door is open, I’m different. I’m not myself.

Everyone around you will judge you subconsciously. They will hurt you, but you have to be strong. You’ll give in now and then, but you’ll be able to go on. Your scars will heal, like mine are.

While I was little, I wanted so badly to be a teen. I thought it would be fun. I had a ridiculous idea that I would be free. That my parents would be less controlling.

I was wrong. It’s much worse.

I want to go back to the times that every little thing was funny. To the times where I can be weird, and it would be acceptable.

I want to be that happy little girl again. I want to be you again.

– S.